He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
