i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
