Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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