I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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