I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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