Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize