i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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