Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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