How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
