I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
