UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
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