Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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