So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need moral support for this bender
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
