Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
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She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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