Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
