Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
