is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
