Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
