I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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