Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
