Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
