I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize