Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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