mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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