Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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