I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
