You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
