I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
