I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
