at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
