I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
