so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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