I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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