These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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