Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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