I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
