i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
