Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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