The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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