This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
