I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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