We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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