I need to stop coming to work sober
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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