The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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