if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
