i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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