Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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