The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize