why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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