i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
