u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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