Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
