at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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