So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
