i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
