and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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