Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
