no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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