clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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