What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Randomize
