checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
