he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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